Thoughts While Punching

I don’t want to jump rope for 9 minutes. But I will. Alright, now that I have calves of steel, what’s next? Ugh. 100 push-ups, seriously?! Damn, those are some small shorts, like really small. Did he steal them off a Korean toddler? We’ve been here for 10 minutes, why is he taking his shirt off? Oh great, time for punching, my faavorite! Wait…why are we running? We don’t run! This is not what we do here! Ding! Oh Thank God! I hate running!

Oh…oh we are still going…okay…

Okay and I’m punching, and I’m punching.  Punch, Punch, Punch. Tiny Shorts said I have great technique! Play it cool. Play it cool. Thanks Tiny Shorts! “Real” men really do love great technique, that boxing magazine was right!

Shhhhh….Tiny Shorts is grunting a lot. I need to listen!

I wonder if his throat hurts after all that grunting? He should drink some tea. Hook-esh Hook-esh Hook-esh Esh Esh Esh Esh Oh, that was a good one! Wait, do I have to pee? I’ll hold it. Aaaaand don’t pee don’t pee don’t pee don’t peeeeee Okay, what’s next? Are we done? Killed it! Water time! Think of conversation for Tiny Shorts.

Or say nothing, that works too, mystery! Yeah. Now time to hold the bag, alright. Time for a boob massage. Ahh, that’s nice, like laying face-front on a massage chair. Man, she looks so intense. Do I look like that when I punch? Probably not. More push-ups?! What? How? No!  Involuntary grunting is happening. It’s magical. I can do it! Tiny Shorts says I can do it! And, I’m dead, arms cannot function.

R.I.P. The Arms Of Amy Dupuis: They were once wonderful.

Oh, stretching, finally! No, wait, it can’t be! How does Tiny Shorts find underwear that fit under such tiny shorts?! Is it underwear? Or just a sock? Nope, it’s underwear. Are those women’s bikini bottoms? How does everything fit in there? Is it obvious I’m looking? Look away. That’s an interesting spider web. Oh good, class is over.

 

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