“I never knew that just spending an evening watching a movie in a theater covered in a mysterious sticky substance could be so fun, but you did it,” Mark said to his date. Her name was Annie, and she was just alright.
“Well,” she replied. “Movies are fun.”
He stopped her walking and starred deeply into her eyes.
“You are amazing,” he said and went in for a kiss.
She pulled away looking terrified.
“Mark, something is wrong with your pants!”
He looked down to see that his pants had started to glow.
“Oh, they, umm, do that sometimes. I better go fix them. Sorry.”
He turned down the alley and when he was out of sight; he ripped his pants and shirt off and followed the glow to danger.
Ugh, another date ruined! When will I ever find love?
Not long after he decided to be a superhero, the shorts would begin to glow anytime he was within 250 miles of danger. Also, because of his super-strength legs, he could run exactly 250 miles in under two minutes.
His shorts got brighter and brighter the further he ran, until finally, they returned to normal. He knew he was in the right place now.
He found himself at his own factory.
“Why would you take me here, Shorts?” He asked his crotch in frustration. He hated being at the place that wasn’t his true passion. Work was going fine. He just didn’t want to be there after hours.
He wandered around the outside of the factory, looking for signs of trouble, but finding nothing. Finally he found an open window, since his keys were in his other pants, and climbed in.
“What kind of crime could happen here? This is the most boring place in the world, Shorts.”
Just as he said that he heard a noise coming from the factory floor. His pants slightly flickered as he went towards it.
He could hear a grown man grunting, and as he got closer he heard him saying, “Where are they?!”
He hid behind his own desk to watch the man searching frantically through the pants they made that day. He works at a pants factory, Pants Unlimited, “Because pants are the only way a man looks good.”
The man turns towards Mark suddenly, making total eye contact.
“I wasn’t doing anything!” He screeched.
Before Mark could say anything, the man ran full force into a sewing machine. He became trapped inside the machine with only his legs hanging out. He cried in agony as the machine began sewing through him. Mark bolted towards the machine.
His powerful legs, however, took him too far, and he crashed into his boss’s desk across the room.
Man, Frank is going to KILL me!
He got up and ripped the sewing machine apart with his legs, freeing the man trapped inside. Mark picked him up and carried him to The Hospital on Westward Drive.
“This man needs help!” He yelled as he ran into the hospital.
“Oh my god! It’s Tiny Shorts!” screamed a male nurse in excitement.
Why is it only the male nurses?!
“What happened?” asked the desk attendant.
“He got stuck in a sewing machine at the Pants Unlimited factory.”
“Oh, I love those pants. ‘Because pants are the only way a man looks good!'”
Mark looked at him with confusion.
“Right. We will take him. Thank you.”
Mark left him in the care of The Hospital on Westward Drive. They had the best doctors there. If anyone could save that man, it was them.
Mark went to the hospital to check on the man the next day.
“Hi, a man was brought in last night after he got caught in a sewing machine. What room is he in?”
“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, sir.”
“Ummm, the one that happened at the pants factory.”
“Pants Unlimited or Pants Extra?”
“Oh my God, really?” He asked in bewilderment.
The nurse looked at him waiting.
“Umm, Pants Unlimited.”
“Thanks. Bye, Annie.”
“See you later, Mark.”
He walked into the room to find it empty, with the bed freshly made. He heard a scream coming from the hallway and immediately tore off his pants, ready for action.
A doctor was on the ground, completely dead. His head was taken off by a thin piece of wire or string. The only clue was a small piece of fabric found near the body, and a nurse ranting about the baggiest pair of pants she has ever seen.