The Russians are Coming

Getting Naked with Koreans

We open on an image of a world in desolation, an abandoned car. Crime scene tape everywhere, for crimes no one can remember. A world of no hope of coming back. A world, in which children do not drive cars.

I had this premonition when I saw four possibly Russian soldiers on my way to Spaland. I’m not going to explain Spaland because if you can’t figure it out from the title then you are an idiot. Were they Russian? I don’t know. Were they here to harm me? No one can be sure. I made it home safely, but maybe that is what they wanted.

It sounded like they were speaking Russian. And they had Russian flags sewn on their uniforms, which begs the question, WHY IS KOREA TALKING TO RUSSIA?!

Maybe they are planning to eliminate Trump? Or maybe they were just there on vacation? Or worse, Korea is one again and the North rules all?

BUT, I think we all agree; it’s the first one, because the second one is just nonsense. And, I would have been eliminated before even typing the last one!

Now, I don’t usually fall into the realm of conspiracy theories, and it’s important to know that I’m not doing that now. These are important questions, and I expect answers (not from you though please don’t comment with answers because it’s so annoying to respond to some of you dumb dumbs).

In my 10 minute walk to the subway, and 40 minute ride to Shinsegae, I realized I have many things to fear, but, in the words on one of those B.T. (Before Trump) Presidents, I mostly feared fear itself.

The fear of fear is just panic. He could of said, “Don’t panic cause panicking is pointless.” But maybe that was taken by some other B.T. President.

Everyone put on your tin-foil hats and start panicking. Russia is in South Korea, which is still 10,736 km (that’s right, start learning the metric system now) from the United States but they are clearly mobilizing.

Then again, maybe they were speaking really fast English..

To all of you that opened this only to read about me being naked, I got you good. I never planned on talking about it! Mostly because it is not awkward to be in a room full of naked Korean women publicly bathing. It is freeing and relaxing so calm down. But it is important to know the moment to leave. And that moment is when your boobs are moving too much without your body moving at all.

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